Pick Your Wife Wisely: Not just your career but your life depends on it

So I saw this Huffington Post article being shared on Facebook titled - Pick your husband wisely: Your career depends on it

This post is my response to the article.

If you do not choose your wife wisely, then you will not just lose your career but also your life. This is my experience and I stand by my statement 100%

Choose someone who would support your career first. Do not go out of your way and support her career advancement. All this bullshit about women empowerment and "being there for her" will tell you to go f**k yourself when she decides to walk out of that door. And bear in mind, she will. Because you let her. You supported her all her decisions to have a great career. Even if it means that you need to let go of your own career. Your sacrifice means nothing. Because when she goes out, she doesn't see that you are behind waiting to see her succeed. She is comparing you with other powerful and influential men surrounding her in the corporate world and against them, you are a f**king lose because you decided to stay at home.

"Even if women are highly educated, they aren't allowed by in-laws and husbands to do any job outside the home. Women are graduating to get a good groom not a good job." If a woman is able to work, she must still shoulder the bulk of household responsibilities."

The above statement applies to a lower middle class and even lower class population. These people are mostly not on Facebook, Twitter and they definitely don't read Huffington Post.

No woman is graduating to get a good groom these days. She is graduating so that at some point if she wants to be independent from a groom, then she can very well be. The in-laws and the husbands don't have much say in these decisions. They've got to comply.

"A real partner is not just supportive of your career, but is happy to take on his fair share of household responsibilities so that you both can thrive."

Men, if you take a fair share of household responsibilities, then please ensure your partner also has a fair share. You don't want to be in a situation where your partner comes home and works for 2 more hours and then says "Let's order food" or "I cannot clean the house because I worked a lot during the week and I need my sleep or I need to shop instead"

"Before committing to another person you should know if you want a career or if you are more interested in [fitting] meaningful work around your family life."

I think this applies more to men these days.

And if she asks you things like "Would you support my career? If I had to move for my job, would you be willing to relocate the family?" Do not do this at your expense. I've had a personal experience in these exact questions and the results are not favorable at all. Men, please be a little selfish, and look at your life.

And men, please observe your women before you commit to them. If she is the person who gets up quite late and throws her legs up on the couch and reads the newspaper or checks her emails while you make your own cup of coffee, maybe she is not the one that could share responsibilities around the house.

The question "Would you support my career after we have kids?" is absolutely irrelevant these days. In my opinion, the men should be asking "Will we have any kids?"

Juice Cleanse Day Two and Three

The Day One post was written in a rush. Mostly because it was quite late and I just wanted to go back to sleep. Since the process is pretty much the same, I am compressing Day 2 and 3 into one post.

Juice cleanse is expensive. The 3-day cleanse costs about 200 AUD. Yes, it does burn a large hole in your pocket. So, its definitely not something that you should try often. If you look at the economics, it does make sense to some extent. 24 bottles of juices over 3 days for 200 AUD. That's a little more than 8 AUD per bottle. I think I can definitely pay 8 dollars for a juice bottle. Most smoothies around this city cost that much. This one is cold pressed and is absolutely healthy, full of essential nutrients. Nevertheless, drinking 8 dollar bottles 8 times a day is a little too much. Maybe once a year? I am not sure if I'll do another one. I'll think about it towards the end of 2016 or early 2017.

Day 2 is actually a breeze. Its twenty minutes past one and I am writing this piece. Four juices down and I can say that I am feeling much better now, than how I felt at the same time yesterday. And I am past the halfway mark. Its only downhill from here! There is still a mild disturbance on the top - like a mild headache but its bearable. Yesterday was tough! I had crazy thoughts. I curled up in my couch at 6 pm. I changed to warm clothes and I even wore a jacket! My body was a lot weak and I thought I was coming down with a fever. But it was just the energy levels causing havoc in the mind.

Day 2 Late Evening
Towards the end of Day 2, I was very hungry. I ended up having the dinner juice 7 around 6.45 pm. On Day 1, I had it around 8pm. So, by the time I was going to bed, I was hungry again. But I had to get through the night. I did it somehow. Pure mind game.

In two days, I haven't lost a lot of weight. I weighed myself yesterday and I was about a little more than a kilo less than my normal weight. I suspect, I'll put on that weight the moment I start on solid food. What I am more interested in is to find out how my body is going to react when I start eating normal food. I need to go back to that pamphlet provided by the company about easing back into normal food. Definitely cannot eat a burger on day one!

Day 3

I am sort of cruising now. Its the last day and I know I can eat something tomorrow morning! Hahaha. Yes, that's the biggest motivation to get through today. It will be close of business at work in another 2 hrs and then I just need to get through the evening. At that point in the evening, I reckon, it would be a walk in the park. Destination is right in front and all you need to do is just breathe and you'll get past. I am quite good at self control. There's plenty of chocolate, fruit and other eatables inside the refrigerator just next to the juices and I haven't had any temptation. Juice 6 is the worst tasting juice and during that time I am usually home. I have resisted other foods quite well over the last two days.

In general, my stomach has been very quiet, which I believe is awesome. When you eat solid food that as carbs, fat, fiber etc your body doesn't take it well every day. Some days are extremely windy. The last 3 days have been quiet and peaceful to be honest. I think its also a reminder of how much junk food we eat every day. By junk, I mean, food that is not absorbed efficiently by our body. On some days, even dark chocolate and low fat greek yogurt is not good for the body. So, we need to eat smart. Most importantly drink lots and lots of water, which I don't do. I think I drink just about 2 liters of water everyday and I think I need to step that up to 3.

Day 3 Close

Around afternoon, I started getting this pain in my lower back. I didn't know what was happening. The pain and discomfort only increased. I thought it was my sitting posture and I started stretching and foam rolling when I got back home from work. It didn't help. I tried to sleep and I could not. I rolled on my belly, right side, left side - none of that helped. I've never had lower back pain - even after crossfit. So this was a huge surprise. I thought it was because of lack of exercise and started activating my lower back. That didn't help as well. I used a PainMate device. This is a small TENS device that sends vibrations to your body when you are in pain. It gave me relief but not was not enough. It was almost 11pm and I had to go to sleep. So I gave in and took 2 tablets of Voltaren. Surprising how your mind plays when your body has pain. All this while it never struck me to go on the internet and read. Then lightning struck and I googled stuff about lower back pain and juice cleansing. Voila! there were tons of articles about that. Apparently your body is flushing out all the toxins from your system and that creates severe lower back pain. So that was quite common. I had no idea and I wish the person from store actually gave me some indication of that. 

Now, I only wish that the two Voltaren tablets did not reverse whatever I did in the last days!

Juice Cleanse Day One

I was always interested in what juice cleansing was all about. It started when I noticed a Pressed Juice store in Collins Street. I started reading about the cleanse program on their website. Further research led me to another company HomeJuice. They had a store in Melbourne as well. Two weeks back, I had the opportunity to go to a HomeJuice store in Docklands. I had a chat with the staff and I was sold into trying this. And then, I had to go over this massive planning effort to find the exact 3 day window to do the cleanse. I had to make sure that I finish all the food that I have and also work out stuff about crossfit and yoga (which by the way, I had to stop completely because of the cleanse).

I signed up for the advanced cleanse with Pressed Juices yesterday. Mostly because, they have a store that's easily accessible for me (on my way back home). I picked up my first batch of 8 juices yesterday.

My experiment of inflicting so many bottles of juices on my body began on the morning of 22nd Feb 2016. Instructions were to have a bottle of juice every 2-3 hrs.

Juice 1 was pink lemonade. I had the juice around 7am. I was quite fine. I usually don't have anything in the morning on a normal day. I get to office and have breakfast. So this was good.

Juice 2 was a Green juice. It was a little after 9am. The juice was thick and it was more like breakfast. I managed to get through that as well with very little difficulty.

Juice 3 was an Earth juice. This was perhaps the hardest. I was close to lunch time and I was craving solid food big time! I mean who doesn't eat solid food? I started feeling a bit uneasy. Also, the presence of breakfast cereals and muesli bars around my desk didn't help. So, I had to step outside and do a  bit of walking to keep myself distracted. I did that.

Juice 4 was another Green juice. This was not thick. It was 2pm and I was losing it. My head was aching a bit on the right side. I had earlier read articles mentioning that I would experience mild headaches. But I am still not sure if its the mind or body thats playing this game.

Juice 5 was Zest juice made from orange. By this time, it was 4pm. I generally leave around half past so the thought of leaving office kinda got into me and I was able to find that distraction. In between, I also talked to a few colleagues about the cleanse, just to keep myself motivated.

Juice 6 was another Green juice. I got home by this time. I also picked up the juice pack for the next day. Yes, they prefer you to collect the juice everyday as the shelf life for the juice is less than 2 days. Drink it fresh is the policy. When I finished juice 6, I was a bit tired. I watched some TV and I decided to take a 30min nap. I got up at 8pm.

It was time for Juice 7 - banana salted caramel. This is perhaps the best juice of the day. Its loaded with all the nuts and good stuff. Not that the previous juices are loaded with bad stuff. They have all the green stuff which doesn't appeal to the mind that much. I gulped down juice 7 and then decided if I have nothing else to do, then I might as well get more rest.

I went back to sleep again and got up in about 2 hours for Juice 8 - sour cherry. I finished that and had some time left before going back to bed again. So, I decided to write this quick post.

At this time, I feel better. The headache is still there but its not that bad. Its bearable. Yes, I feel tired. The fact that there is no solid food in my system freaks me. Getting that out of my mind is quite hard. Day One looks more like a mind game.

For the scientifically/biologically inclined, yes, I have pee'd a lot. One thing I noticed is that the pee is crystal clear, which is a huge change to other days when its usually coloured. So, we have one good sign. Two more days to go!

Click here to read about Day Two and Three

The 2016 zodiac

So, I was on the train heading home from a friends place. Sunday evening and Gavrilova had already taken the lead with 6-0. I was excited and impatient to get home. I found a seat and I found the day's Herald Sun stashed in the corner. I just decided to pick it up and read instead of gazing at people or blindly waiting for the train to pull up into the city station.

And I saw this section of the paper!

When I read that portion, I was simply stunned! I mean, the first line was like hitting the nail on the head. I don't really believe in zodiac predictions. To be honest, all this is written for a generic audience that ranges from a new-born to someone in a ventilator. I don't subscribe to a newspaper. Even if I subscribed, I wouldn't buy a paper that actually has a zodiac column.

"Expect a culmination" - that was spot on. As per the current timeline, this was expected to occur sometime this week or early next week.

About happier times - well its been happier times ever since Jan 2014. So, I guess this means there is going to be more happier times. I feel quite excited now. Haha.

And Love Life - I am really looking forward to that one. I am so over what happened in my life that now I feel very positive and ready to take that big next step. It still won't be rushed though. I will definitely take my time to decide. Also, now that I have some experience, I know what I don't want or what type or person could be a problem in my life.

Well, with that hope provided by a random zodiac columnist, I am starting 2016! I still need to write about the last month of 2015. I hope to find some time this week. Fingers crossed!

The frustration of being a single Indian in Australia

Couldn't shorten the title. That's exactly my thought today. I have no idea what I am doing in my life. Yes, being single sucks especially after being in a relationship for a very long time.

Being a brown fish in a white pond sucks. The brown female fish from your own country don't want to consider you. These fishes are mostly from north. So they don't prefer the fish from the south. Thanks to the great cultural divide in India. Its quite prevalent thousands of miles across here in Australia.

The brown female fish want to meet the white male fish here. The white female fish also want to meet the white male fish, which essentially means that the brown male fish are fucked. That's my situation. The probability of rejection is extremely high.

Meeting someone at work these days is simply out of question. First of all there are hardly any and then the next point that you are being judged by the colour of your skin. If you found someone and talked to them (don't even think of flirting), you should remember that you are secretly being watched by many other people around you. Workplace ethics and gender harassment issues are enough to get you out of work or into jail. If that happens, what you need to understand is you may not get work anywhere else again. This much is enough to scare the living daylights out of you. You'd rather keep your job than being known for making passes at your women colleagues.

Meeting someone at your local gym is also complicated. First problem is the awkward conversation which is very hard to make. You'd think they like you because they are friendly but they are really just being friendly. That's their nature. Just because they talk to you doesn't mean they'd go out on a date with you. And if you muster up the courage to ask them and they say no, you go into rejection phase. Then it becomes so hard to even go back to the gym. You know - the feeling of "she said no and hence we cannot be at the same class because its embarrassing or silly?". You so wish you'd just remained friends. Atleast you could continue talking.

Beyond this, one would say that you could meet people at clubs, bars and the likes. But I don't drink and I don't like to spend late nights outside. 

What a wretched life this is. Why is meeting someone so hard? Actually, why is it so hard for a brown fish?

The Intern

Recently, I saw the movie THE INTERN. It was fantastic. The basic storyline is about how the young entrepreneurs of the digital economy need to appreciate the wisdom that comes from moving along with people from the manufacturing economy.

Anne Hathaway and Robert De Niro play these roles with ease and are a pleasure to watch.

The point of my post is looking at Jules' personal life in the movie. Jules works in a high pressure environment. She has no time for her daughter and husband. She is swamped with work 24x7, taking calls at odd times and replying to emails at 2am. The husband, who was also very successful at a point, decided to take a step back and be a house-husband. He cares for the daughter, drops her at school and runs all errands around the house.

There comes a point in the movie where Jules' management capabilities are questioned and she is asked by her investors to find a new CEO. She does give in at some point and decides to appoint a new CEO. Very soon, the husband is shown as cheating on her with another woman. Then, Jules decides that she should definitely step back on her job and focus more on the family before its too late.

I know that the director had no choice but to introduce a scene like that to bring the movie to a close but it was so wrong. On one side, we have all these people complaining that women don't get the opportunities to grow in a male dominated corporate world. On the other side, we are shown these rubbish movie examples where a man is cheating. Seriously What The F!

People! Men aren't the only human beings who cheat! Women do it too. I wonder if there are popular movies where women cheat and the men get to find out. But then, you'll have to show men as vulnerable characters. A popular relationship researcher once said in her speech "people choose to leave a relationship these days only because they could be happier in another relationship". And this applies equally to both sexes.

When I take a step back in my career, I don't do it because I am not ambitious. I do it because I like to be supportive to someone who is slightly more ambitious than I am. That doesn't mean that I like to spend my late afternoons cheating on my partner with another parent who I met at school.

We complain all the time about not getting the right opportunity or life being unfair. When provided with those opportunities, we don't realise that we are simultaneously being fed with negative thoughts and examples that never lets us realise our dreams.

Heartbreak

Yesterday, I was watching a program on TV about heartbreak and that got me thinking if I ever had one? I think most of the times, I may have had something like a heartbreak but I immediately moved away from it and saw the positives in my life. I really didn't analyse the negatives too deeply. Sometimes, I do feel that my life is a closed book even to myself and I need to say something to find that clarity or whatever that may be.

So, this is a view into what heartbreak is.

Heartbreak is....

- When you wholeheartedly support her higher study and she says that she actually went to study because she wanted to figure out if she wanted to live with you or not

- When you take your dad to her graduation because he is also family and she asks, "why did you bring him?"

- When you find out that someone else sends her red roses on her birthday

- When she tells you that she is doing office work and you leave her alone but she is Skype chatting with someone else about your life

- When you give up your ambitions for her success and she tells you that she doesn't want to live with you

- When you take time out to spend a one month holiday with her and attend her best friend's wedding; then she tells you that she doesn't want to live with you

- When she walks out of that door without even looking back and you come back to an empty house and feel shattered that you've failed

Obviously, this is only one side of the story. Whoever spoke loud and first is not right. For all you know, I could still be an ass.

The Pursuit of Happiness

What makes you happy? Money? Love? New Job? New shoes?

I tried asking that question to myself and I still don't have a definite answer. I mean this at a meta-level. 

At a more day to day level, I am reasonably content (still not sure if I can say happy) about certain things in life - like having a job, having a good day at work (although that doesn't happen more than once a week), an exhausting workout at the box and having access to food and water as a bare minimum for existence.

If I am happy or content at a micro level, can I extrapolate that to my life in general and say that its probably what defines my life and can I just get away with that? Or is it necessary to have larger buckets that you need to fill in and find your happiness there?

Is happiness influenced by knowing whether people around you are happy or not?

My parents are not exactly happy. Atleast that's how they put it. For them happiness is - me not being alone. You know, the usual rants. I need to have a partner, and then kid(s). That's what means happiness to them. But does it really stop there? I mean, then the kids have to grow up and they need to find their footing in this world. Its almost like a vicious circle! A circle into which you will get sucked into.

Is making sure that your lineage is established, a main purpose of your life? Okay let's not go into the purpose of one's life in a lot of detail as that would be like revisiting the whole Bhagavad Gita and discussing karma.

What I find more questionable and unacceptable is trying to put a framework around a person's life and this happens most often in societies from India. You need to get good education. Not just good education but good grades as well. Then you need a good job. At the right time and god only knows what that means - you need to find a partner and then make sure you have kids. Your parents are never happy until all this happens. Some stop there while the others actually go on until your children start their life cycle through the above mentioned route.

What I find hard to understand is why this framework is considered the foundation of happiness by a large faction of the country. Or is it just me? Has the society in general, moved on?

I've had enough trouble in my life that nowadays doing nothing seems to be the most ideal thing. Having no agenda is my agenda.

Nick

Nick Langmaid is my colleague from work at Australia Post. I worked with him last year for over 3 months in 2014. A pretty busy and challenging project - we managed to get it over the line. Of course, there were plenty others working on it. We were just doing our bit.

That was my first project with Post. Nick had been a long timer at Post. He was literally the knowledge bank of all things financial systems. Any questions people had about payments and accounting entries - he had the answer. He knew every system, literally off the back of his palm. While working with Nick, he made sure that I got a strong understanding of how it all connected together. During that time, we also got to discuss about our passion for staying healthy by cycling to work.

In late October 2014, I moved to another project, another office. A few months later, my previous project manager at Post met me in the office and mentioned to me that Nick had a minor heart attack and he was in surgery or something. A month before that another manager in our project had also gone on medical leave to have a bypass done. I was actually joking to my manager that it was because of the stress he created on our project that people were having heart trouble. I told myself that someday in the future, I should go and say hello to Nick and just check about his health. After all, we did work together.

I guess you know by now where this is going. Today, I received an email from my manager that Nick passed away on his way to work in the morning. I was completely shocked. I just blurted out so many abusive words at work that people around me were wondering what was happening. I couldn't take it. I was pissed off with myself that I never took time to go and meet him. At one side I was angry and on another, I was depressed. I was almost in tears and I couldn't speak. I told myself that you can never predict what could go wrong with the heart. I decided to go and meet my manager who gave me the news.

I reached the other office and met him. He and his colleagues were shocked too. In fact, it was all of us together in that one previous project. In that conversation, my manager mentioned to me that it was a cycling related accident and not a heart attack. I immediately realised that I had read about a similar event in the morning. A cyclist was  knocked down by a truck in a place called Keilor East. No name was provided but the cyclist did not live. Now, I was even more stressed. 

Honestly, I did not expect Nick to leave the world this way. I am at a loss of words but this is cruel. I told myself - Only if I had taken that extra effort to say hello and enquire about his health.... I didn't. 

Its such a mad world and in many instances, we are just doing things that have no meaning in our life. Be it work that provides us salary to pay our bills or the monotonous activities to keep our life going, we are caught up in that ever engulfing web that makes us forget and only repent.

Today, I repent that I didn't meet Nick. I just didn't take the time out of my life. I could have easily done it and I should have but I never did. What would stay with me now is my remembrance of a Sean Connery look that Nick had and a deep voice.

I am a victim of my crime called life.

2014

I happened to do some clean-up activities of my life and then realised that this blog post had been sitting around in Draft mode for a very long time. I have gone through it once more and at this point, I cannot add anything more. So pressing the publish button was the only way forward.

What an eventful year. That's how everyone would sum up their year I guess. I'd like to just go ahead and put out a few events that I clearly remember about 2014. 

1. I started 2014 at a very low note. My so-called partner decided to call it quits around Sep 2013 and she moved out Jan 2014. So literally a brand new life started this year. There was more freedom and peace of mind. I was definitely happy.

2. I had entered this country as a dependent and I knew that I'd get thrown out if things were going to go the way they were. I wanted to live here and I promised myself that I will get that residency application started. The process began and it went through March all the way till September when I finally got my PR.

3. That epic trip to the USA in March. I spent a lot of time with my sister's kids. My parents were also there. It was one month of bliss. I also managed to meet a few of my engineering batch mates. A memory that would last for decades.

4. My deep dive into Crossfit began this year. I weighed my lowest and I looked sick during the first 3 months of the year. I swore after my US trip that I would focus on adding muscle weight. I trained harder, lifted heavier and went to the box 5-6 days a week for 6 months. I added almost 8kgs. Most of it was muscle. I felt fantastic.

5. Eventually, I reached my Crossfit goal. Well, not completely. At the beginning of the year, my coach asked me to write my goal. At that point I sucked at pull-ups and I did thrusters using just the barbell. I wrote that I would like to not use a resistance band to do pull ups and I would like to get 42.5kg barbell thrusters. Its almost the end of the year. I can easily do 7-10 pull ups at one go, with no requirement for bands. I can thrust 42.5kgs but I am not strong enough to use that in a workout.

6. My job sucked big time. I desperately wanted a change but there were too many things happening in my life that I could not concentrate on my job change. My company had some cash flow issues and was desperately looking to make money through third party contracts. Then came a 6 month contract in June. This was the door to what would become a new career in this country. I am extremely thankful to my boss who decided to put me on this contract. At the end of the contract, I was qualified enough to wade my way through this painful recruitment consultant based market and find myself a brand new opportunity.

7. The only year since 2007 that went by without a lot of frisbee. I played with my club for their open nationals campaign during the first few months of the year. After that I took a break. Over the years, frisbee had contributed to the problems I had with my life. Or you could also say that I used frisbee to hide under those problems that I never wanted to face. Either ways, I wasn't too happy with the outcome. The break only did good to me.

Haram

How would it be if certain moments from your life were captured and shown to you in a movie? In a way, I feel a lot more connected with the screenplay and the characters. Alternatively, this also makes me think - are these moments so mainstream that people want to make films about?

In two words, Haram is a Malayalam movie about Irreconcilable Differences. Isha is slightly devastated, or maybe that's a strong word, let's say disturbed. From a previous relationship that didn't go well. She works with a BPO in Bangalore. There is Balu as well, in the same office - not the hot guy who every girl in the office wants to go home with, but a slightly traditional, chilled out, peace-loving, and no-frills guy. Isha comes across as a fun-loving and bubbly personality on the outside; but eventually a mysterious character who has many deep layers that cannot be dissected.

The story revolves around Isha and Balu and other characters that happen to be around them or connected to them in some way. They meet, Isha finds in Balu a good friend, date a bit and get married. They move from Bangalore to Kerala and then soon after, Isha decides to file for divorce. Balu is puzzled as her reasons are - irreconcilable differences.

Balu doesn't want to quit and he wants to reason, even live, but there seems to be no hope and no specific answer. Balu is me. Perhaps, Balu is just like many other men out there? I don't have too many questions in my life. I face life as it comes to me. I don't go out of my way to seek any answers. I like the way I am - simple, grounded, happy and sometimes lucky! And Isha is a person who at times does not know what she wants. She is opportunistic when she finds comfort in Balu. She is friendly and warm but she is also weird. I am not too bothered to make deeper reflections.

A number of deep thoughts keep running through the reels of this movie.

• Promises are like babies, easy to make but very painful to deliver
• If you are happy where you are, why would you try and bring another person into your life and complicate your life

Haram definitely didn't do well at the box office. The film doesn't come with an entertainment formula. It is a figment of my life. It is a celebration of life. Of a life that is real and not reel. Of a life that says to me - if you sense emotional baggage, then run away from it!

 

The best friend

In the 70s my dad worked for a British company (name not important). He was friends with another person who worked there. They had the same first name - Krishnan. Much later, I come to realise that this friend of my dad is also his best friend.

My dad used to go to Sabarimala every year. It ran in the family. Even now he tries to make a trip, time and health permitting. My grandfather led a group of almost 100 people to the hills in Kerala every year. From the time that I became aware of these trips, my dad and his best friend used to embark on a 2 week journey with a group of like-minded individuals. This was an every year ritual. I still remember going to those pre-journey rituals. It used to be a day long affair with Vedic chants and song recitals. Mr.Krishnan used to be the spiritual leader of the group. He always worked hard towards making sure that every trip was managed well.

Over the years of knowing each other and making so many journeys, they have become best friends. Our families also become very close. Of course, during that time, my interaction was quite limited.

As I grew up, I started understanding how amazing friends they were. My dad used to share everything with Mr.Krishnan - about family, sisters, brothers, personal problems, things about business etc. Pretty much everything under the sun I could say. He would be the go-to person for my dad - friend, philosopher, guide. Every time Mr.Krishnan called our house, he would enquire about me and my sister. They have been friends for more than 40 years I think. Mr.Krishnan is extremely spiritual and has a special aura surrounding him. Its perhaps his countless trips to Sabarimala that makes him glow like that. He has the blessings of god, an ever smiling person. He has been present for every family function of ours - big or small, doesn't matter. He is present. And all of my dad's brothers and sisters know him very well.

Mr.Krishnan is no more. It happened all of a sudden - no warnings whatsoever. I accidentally called my parents mid-week and my mom shivered on the phone while sharing the sad news. My dad was not around at home. I did not know what to say. Obviously, my dad was terribly shaken. His only friend with whom he spoke almost every week is not around any more. In that place, there is literally nothing now. I just cannot believe it. Its been a couple of days but I cannot come to terms with this. I don't know when I will.

That's when I realised that I don't have a best friend. I am almost 35 - yes literally half way or past half way. Only downhill from here and there is not a single person who knows everything about me or who wants to know everything about me. At one point, I thought I had a best friend but she sort of got married and things started drifting. No one is to blame but a large part of this problem is also me being such a closed book. I tend to bottle up things. And now, my life is just filled with a bunch of electronically active people who like and comment on what I choose to tell them. 

Mr.Krishnan's voice always echoes in my mind. His religious songs were my favourite. Even though he had so many problems in his life, he was always smiling. 

Today when I put myself in my dad's shoes, I understand how much my life sucks. I now know what it feels like when that one person to talk to is not around, what it means when you don't have someone in your life whose house you can walk into any time and just spend a few hours reflecting. I never ever had someone in my life who was like that to me. I guess, I never will. I am still chasing and perhaps living the wrong dream. 

Gone Girl - The Movie

It was late 2012, I still remember seeing a book in the hands of a lady on the tram. That was the first time and then I saw it again with another lady. It made me curious but I am not that much into books. The author Gillian Flynn didn't strike a chord either. But I was quite fascinated that there were so many people who were reading the same story. I bought the book in 2013. Didn't even unwrap it. I completely forgot about it.

A few weeks back, I saw the trailer of a movie titled Gone Girl. That single line - "I did not kill my wife" struck me so hard that I got a sudden urge to pick up the book and know what happened. I knew that I was definitely going to see this movie but I was curious and fascinated by just the trailer that I wanted to know every f**king detail. What the hell was this all about? I finally read the book and I was thrilled beyond expectations. Blown-away you could say too.

If courtship is a movie, marriage is a job that can become a grinding routine, an Ever After without the Happily - courtesy Time Magazine

David Fincher's Gone Girl is simply a masterpiece. Its electrifying, powerful and sends you laughing certainly at the right moments. The movie shows what a usual America is - doubting the husband to have killed his wife, some pretty dumb neighbours who could believe what you'd say, sympathising with the husband when he comes out as a cheater. Its all in there within a capsule of 150 minutes.

From the beginning of the movie, when we hear Nick's monologue about his desire to unspool his wife's brains from her pretty head, we realise that this movie is going to be kick-ass. This missing wife drama is full of mystery and its really nasty. I must give credit to the author Flynn who has also been instrumental in the screenplay. When you read the book, it doesn't hit you that hard. The diary entries, the fights and the blood stains - when you see all that on the screen, it is quite shocking.

Gone Girl's biggest plus point is the casting. Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike as Nick and Amy are so perfect for each other. Pike's mysterious smiles and mannerisms are so Amy on every frame - the ice-blooded psychopath who shouldn't seem like that until you know that she is that! And Affleck being the glib and sort of unhappy husband is right on the dot.

The movie is structurally quite sound and follows the book Scenes shift from Nick to Amy as they do in the book. I do agree that the devil is in the detail but they had to cut it down to keep the audience glued to the seat. Which worked. The montage of how Amy does stuff has been shot incredibly well. The one last scene with Neil Patrick Harris (he wasn't a great choice for the part), is somewhat traumatizing and that's why this movie is rated Extreme Violence.

Amazing Amy

She is mysterious in her own weird ways, very complex and extremely manipulative. She is the Cool Girl and then a harpy wife. She ultimately becomes the Psycho B****. But this is not what she is. She is actually full of contradictions and weaknesses. She does not like to accept that. She makes sure that she is always right and constructs the situation to her advantage.

Every marriage has its own story, most often the husband and the wife expect each other to keep up the lie of who they've pretended to be. It’s when their “true” selves begin to bleed through that their marriage starts falling apart. “I suppose these questions storm-cloud over every marriage,” says Nick. “What are you thinking? How are you feeling? Who are you? What have we done to each other? What will we do?”

Amy gives him riddles about their life together, which he’s hardly ever able to figure out, and the hunts always end in a fight. Amy sees it as a testament to how much he loves her — she hopes it will show that he has paid attention to her thoughts and feelings and remembers (what she thinks of as) important moments from their time together. He sees it as a test he will inevitably fail. 

Its five years and Nick has failed her. She wants to get back at him. Amy is somewhat like a psychopath, an emotional freak when Nick is just a skillful manipulator. What follows from thereon is a psychological warfare and a power battle. Gone Girl is a fantastic book about the extremes of masculinity and femininity.

What intrigued me even more is the how I could relate  myself to what Nick felt at many instances in the book. Of course, there is/was no Andie in my life. So I am not stuffed with any sort of guilt. But in general, what Nick thought of his life echoed so much with what I was going through.

Yes the Amy in my life is gone too. She's been gone for so long that now life is just business as usual. In the book, she comes back because she senses a threat to her freedom. She chooses to be smart and live with Nick against seeking revenge for his actions. But I don't see that happening with me.

Are you still drinking low-fat milk?

And if you are, then I must say that you are making a big mistake.

Full cream milk contains a number of fats that promote human health. These include artery friendly omega-3's and conjugated linoleic acid (read cancer prevention), improving bone strength and encouraging fat metabolism. Low-fat diary does not have any of this scientific sh** that helps you. Also, the trans-fat that is present in milk actually reduces your risk of diabetes.

An Australian study (I don't know but I read about this in a magazine) has determined that full-fat diary actually lowers the risk of heart disease as well. Its the other processed stuff that we eat which causes problems - not milk!!!

Vitamins A and D which are present in milk are fat-soluble - which means that you need fat in order for those to absorbed into your body. You take the fat from the milk, how do you think the vitamins will get absorbed? What's more, the vitamin K found naturally in butterfat gets left behind altogether.

Skim and low-fat milk contain powdered milk, which is made with oxidised cholesterol, a carcinogen. Oxidised cholesterol can contribute to the build-up of plaque in your arteries. On the other hand, untreated cholesterol in whole milk is an antioxidant. Skim can leave you feeling unsatisfied, which leads many people to fill up on less-healthy "non-fat" foods.

Full fat or full cream milk is not going to stop your weight loss or get-fit process. Its only going to help. What is going to hinder is that extra sugar, chocolate, processed food, fried food, coke etc. Get that out of your way and don't bother about milk again in your life.

The real deal

This post is not about what you can do to gain or lose weight. Its just a brief summary of what happened in my life over the last 3 years or so. There is some history which you can read or not. Now let's move on to the time where I started doing a lot of experiments with health and fitness.

1. The company of like-minded people

The most important aspect of any active lifestyle is surrounding yourself with people who think on similar lines. As Frisbee started becoming popular and competitive, I had to build skill and strength. That led to many conversations among friends about what next. One of those was about whey protein and how its important for muscle development. 

2. The first supplement

Whey protein when consumed in excess or not used by the body properly can end up as kidney stone. Its also important to buy the right whey protein. Many brands have additives, sugar and carbs. They are all just bad. So I started with whey protein only on gym days or after a good/tiring session of Frisbee. The quantity was still lesser than what my body needed. So, in effect, I was burning a few extra calories without realising that. This cycle of 1 or 2 days in the gym and a weekend of Frisbee continued for a few years until I hit that wall for the first time in 2011.

3. P90x

We were going to play a Frisbee tournament in Italy. The World 

Championships. Every single day would be a test of our survival skills on the beach and not just game skills. Again, it was one of my friends who suggested P90X. A 90 day program with something to do everyday. Rest days had yoga and stretching as well. My goal was to lose weight. To be honest, the 90 day program was really hard. I was doing it all by myself. Just me inside my room and the video instructions. I did not let isolation play into my mind. What made me go through that was the sheer rush of adrenalin and high energy levels after the workout. I was not getting tired. Every week, I was only getting more active. I noticed that I was able to shave off a few seconds from every workout every week. During this time, I was strictly off direct sugar and fried stuff. It also helped me that my parents were in the US for sometime during those 90 days. At the end of 90 days, I had lost almost 6 kilos. My fitness was at the highest level since 1980. After that first P90X session in 2011, I ended up doing a few more 90 day sessions.

4. Going gluten-free

After I moved to Australia in 2012, I decided that I should try something different. For atleast three months, I followed a gluten-free diet. No bread, no pizza, no pasta.. anything and everything containing gluten was out of the house. I don't have health problems with gluten but those 3 months were amazing. My body felt a lot lighter and general well-being was at a high. Very soon it was time to get over the gluten-free phase.

5. Adding weight

After the gluten free phase, I decided that I should gain some muscle weight. So I tried Kris Gethin's DTP. It was an amazing program. I was super excited to do it everyday in the gym. The other personal trainers who were at the gym used to wonder what I was doing because they thought it didn't make sense to what they were taught in the classroom. But I did not care. I took the 4 week challenge. I did add muscle but not a lot though.

5. The worst one week

Then in end-March 2013, the worst thing happened. I started taking krill oil supplements for the usual EPA/DHA stuff. What I didn't realise that I could be allergic to shellfish. My body started reacting with rashes. Even the doctors could not find out what was happening. The shellfish reason was only understood through an elimination process that I did at home. Many visits to the hospital and extreme stress made me lose 6 kilos in about one week. It was the worst way to lose weight. From that situation, it took me atleast three months to just get my life and weight back to normal. Around August 2013, I started going back to the gym again but by late Sep, I was tired of just doing stuff at the gym by myself.

6. Moving on to Crossfit

Crossfit was always on the back of my mind ever since I moved to Oz. On first look, it was quite expensive compared to my gym membership. It took more than 1.5 yrs to convince myself that I could spend money on Crossfit. I took a 10 class pass. On the first day, I was the last in class. For the next 9 classes, I was the last in class. But the experience was just first class. For the first time, I was not doing any isolated movements and more than that, I was having a lot of fun. Intense Crossfit over a period of few months without any change in current diet made me lose weight again. In early 2014, when I visited the US, I was back to 61.5kgs - the lowest I had been.

7. The last 3 months

During the last three months, I tried a paleo diet as well. Didn't get through that for more than a few weeks because I don't eat any meat. Vegetarian paleo is just being mean to yourself. With good food, supplements and a lot of Crossfit, I managed to gain about 8 kilos. A lot of it is actually muscle. My waistline has not changed from when it dropped to 29. Upper body is phenomenally strong compared to the same time last year.

So what are the things that went right for me?

a. I told myself that I will remain active and stuck to that regimen all the time. Frisbee, Crossfit, Cycling etc. I kept doing something or the other. I even cycle to office here. Some days I am really bored and didn't do anything but in the last three months, I have been to 5 Crossfit sessions every week. Add to that some yoga, stretching and mobility as well.

b. I made it a point to reduce the carb intake as much as possible. I am not a farmer who works on the field or a factory worker who does a lot of manual labour. I am a knowledge worker sitting at a desk all day. I don't need a lot of rice and wheat for that. I supplemented my diet with whey but only on workout days.

c. Its okay to cheat. Once in a while, I do eat a muffin or a brownie. Everyone has cravings. It doesn't matter as long as you have an exercise routine that helps you get over that guilty feeling.

d. I keep it very simple - work hard. Just like how you had to work hard to get that admission into a top college, you will need to put in a lot of effort to get that weight loss or gain.
e. Set sight on something in fitness. At work, you want to get promoted every 2 years or you want a higher salary every year. You improve your performance based on what you want. I did that with Crossfit. When I started, I could hardly get a few strict pull-ups. Now I am super comfortable with pull-ups. My next goal is handstand push-ups.

Lose that body fat - The history

Well, we know that's not going to happen for sure. I am no doctor or nutritionist or dietician. This story is about me, about what I did for almost a decade - a period where I went through the highs and lows of body weight and in that process, figured out myself a little better. 

1. Fear is always good

Rewinding back to 2004 - London. Fortunately, I was not that fat. I was hovering around the 70s. Waist line was 33 or so. Exercise was not on my mind. The only sport I had played was volleyball and I was not good. My family had a history of people suffering from high cholesterol, sugar and the usual stuff that ends up giving someone a heart attack. I told myself one thing - I may not be able to eliminate all that from coming to me but I can definitely delay it. The simple fear got me going.

2. Take a small step
I decided to give a shot at spinning classes. One of my colleagues was killing it at 32yrs whereas I was gasping for breath. I told myself to just be regular at it. I signed up for a Nike 10K run for the first time. I looked up some training schedules for running. My instructor told me that I should try and finish under an hour. I trained for about 2 months and I ended up at 57. I was pumped. The result was visible. Over the next 2 years until I joined ISB, I managed a few more 10Ks. From spinning, I graduated to Spinning & Abs, Extreme Spinning, Body-Pump. Essentially, I didn't stop myself from getting bored from the same routine. The other incentive was I get to see some hot British women in active wear. All this time, I was not too bothered about what I was eating. Didn't even have whey protein. I would only strive to get to the level where my t-shirt is cold and dripping with sweat.

3. Get passionate

April 2006 and afterwards. I was introduced to Ultimate Frisbee. I was kicked about the fact that I could learn a totally new sport. In school, all my friends played basketball and football. I was not very tall to play basketball and not that great at football either to make the cut. In college, everyone played cricket and I hated that game. So, Frisbee was like a boon. Obviously running was an important part so I spent a good time during the week running on the treadmill. Still no fancy supplements.

4. Rolling stone gathers no moss

So, in effect, I was just doing some activity all the time but only since 2004 April. First it was gym classes and a bit of running. And then it was just Frisbee. If you are reading this and you are thinking about losing weight, the first thing you need to do is get a bit more of an active lifestyle. That doesn't mean that you should immediately hit the gym and go all out or run a marathon. 

Take a step by step approach. You will find thousands of websites and forums giving you plans. Not all will work for you but some will. I guarantee that. It may take you some time to find that right one but over a few experiments you will get there. Don't experiment with food yet. Get out of the bed or the house first. One thing at a time.

Chennai Heat 2013 Feedback

Click image to see larger version

Welcome to the feedback post. Before you proceed, let me warn you that this post is going to be extremely long. Read only if you have time, patience and a sense of responsibility to make India Ultimate better.

Before I begin my criticism, I would like to take a moment to thank every person who was involved in the preparation and execution of Chennai Heat 2013. Its not just the tournament directors, committee members, party organisers or the list of volunteers but everyone else who whose names we did not hear in the “thank you list”. Being close to the organizers of the event, I know that they ran into many problems with sponsorship, especially in the 11^th hour. They had to make some decisions which did give them a bit of headache. Nevertheless, they rolled up their sleeves and worked harder to make the event successful.

Feedback begins. The next few paragraphs are my thoughts. After that, the consolidated feedback follows.

Every tournament in India should have a dedicated team to organize the event. The TD or TD’s, other members and volunteers should not be working for the tournament and playing for a team. It just doesn’t work that way. There have been many instances in the past and also in CH13 where people did not know who the volunteers were or who was keeping time or any damn thing for that matter. This is mainly because players want to run the event and play for their team. Consider this idea – going forward, give the tournament organization to a club. Let them organize the event. They don’t get to play but they get to keep a good percentage of the profits from the tournament. If this is not an option, then you HAVE to create a team that will not play.

We need to have a place called GAME CENTRAL during the tournament. This should be the official desk for all matters related to the tournament. This desk should be manned by volunteers throughout the duration of the tournament. All communications should go from here and every query should be answered from here.

Okay, we divided the tournament feedback into many sections and this is what we have.

Communications

By and large, all communication was done through Facebook which according to many is not the preferred option. The tournament website was hardly used for any form of communication.

Schedule and changes were all communicated within a span of less than 1 week to the tournament. This is totally unacceptable and should be taken seriously by all tournament directors. Going forward, schedules and pools should be released atleast 2 weeks before the tournament.

For urgent and important updates, a smarter form of communication such as SMS or phone calls should be used. The idea is to ensure that players or captains get the message.

Registrations

Registration details should be communicated well in advance. Teams should be instructed to pay to an account number before arriving for the tournament. Only registered teams (read paid money) should be considered for scheduling.

Competition

Every player is attending the tournament for a great experience on the field and I think that the competition format affected many teams.

Seeding and groupings were not effective at all. Sometimes looked very biased and beneficial to some teams. Its not UPAI’s responsibility to manage the seeding but the organizers of Chennai, Bangalore and Delhi (these are the biggest tournaments in India right now), should sit together and come up with a standard ranking system which works for all tournaments.

The number of teams should have been restricted considering that it gets too hot after 9.30am. Many teams did not have games at 9.30am or 3.30pm and some teams had many games at these times. This may not be a bias but the scheduling is sometimes insensitive. By reducing the number of teams, the game time per team could have been significantly increased. Having 3 pick-up teams and not counting scores against them is just ridiculous. Period.

Playing a kid because you don’t have women or you have lesser number of women IS NOT ACCEPTABLE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. I thought the rules had clearly mentioned this and hence I don’t understand why this issue came up in the feedback. Whichever team did this, I am sorry guys, you are not fit to play a tournament. This is such a dispirited act. I cannot accept any BS explanation in this regard.

Everywhere I have played, the teams have 2 time-outs during the entire game and generally time-outs are not given during the last 5 mins or so. And what was this floating time-out I heard about? Who comes up with these ridiculous rules? Apparently time-outs ran for 2-3 minutes. This is why we need assigned volunteers for every game. These volunteers should be responsible to conduct the game, keep time and manage other administrative tasks. We cannot ask someone on the sideline to manage time because no one else did.

Spirit captain and WFDF accreditation was a great move and has been well appreciated by all teams but the organizers should also consider having observers for certain games. People standing in the sidelines have no authority to give opinions. Also the playing teams should ask them to please shut up.

Fields

The fields were not in the best form. Many teams had complaints about glass pieces and stones. Organisers should look to allocate some money to run the sand sifters before the tournament.

Many spectators were very close to the sidelines. Going forward, it may be good to have two lines at a 3 meter separation just to keep the crowd away.

Facilities

All teams were happy with the availability of water, ice, physio and first aid although some teams did not know that the physio was around. Portable toilets would have been a boon for the women.

Merchandise reaching the fields on the last day was such a bad idea. Efforts should have been made to get it on the first day. This all ties up to ensuring that registration is done atleast 2 weeks before the tournament so that the organizers can get everything sorted out much earlier.

For CH2014, we definitely need to provide sunscreen.

Food

This is where the organizers scored a lot. Bananas were good. The next step is hydration fluids. The tie-up with CFG for discount food coupons was an awesome idea. We need more!

Social

No concerns about the party as well. Everyone loved the party for the atmosphere and food. Although a few think that the price was slightly on the higher side, I still think it was a fab effort from the party organizers.

Travel and Acco

Apart from parking problems which are strictly not in our hands there was nothing much.

Overall

Chennai Heat 2013 gets an overall score of 7.8 on 10 which is very good. Can we say that people have been very generous with their scores? Haha. I am not undermining the efforts taken by the organizers but we have a long way to go.

Why do we still have to play 7 on 7 when the international standard for beach ultimate is 5 on 5 with a 3-2 ratio? Choosing this option would give us more fields and shorter games. The number of games per team would increase as well. Sooner, we will be able to have Open and Mixed divisions if we choose 5 on 5. On the other side, with soaring temperatures in the south, next year’s Heat may definitely need a supply of sand socks.