Tinder in India

Time to write a post. Its been a really long time since I came back to this. Honestly, I miss writing but at the same time, I have been delaying it too - thanks to Netflix, YouTube and of course laziness.

Now there's a huge gap from the last post to this one. I'll perhaps come to that later. I did spend a lot of time in India - from mid-June 2017 to early Jan 2018 and during that time I decided to explore the Tinder app. I was quite sure that India has progressed over the last 5 years to appreciate random conversations over an app.

Tinder in Chennai

I think Chennai is one of the worst cities for Tinder. Chennai hardly has any migrant population compared to Bangalore or Hyderabad. So every now and then, you'll find your friend on Tinder. Also, you have to expand the distance meter to the maximum (which will also include parts of Pondicherry, read Auroville.. LOL) if you need any results. After all that, you'll see one you like. Without wasting time, you'd super like her. She'd accept. You ask her out for a coffee (Of course you cannot ask her out for a beer. You are in Chennai. Filter coffee is the best. In fact, her guardian may also be sitting a few tables away from you). She will un-match because she still believes in an arranged marriage. She is only on the app to waste your time.

Once that episode is done, your meter will keep rotating for ages. You'll find nothing. You need to wait for another eclipse.

And then there was another match. Another super like I think. Sent her a text and by the time she replied, I could see that she was a few thousand kms away in the country. She'd accepted a job in the north. Didn't see her back in the city for a really long time. I did meet her but maybe that's reserved for another post.

Tinder in Bangalore

This is perhaps the best! A lot of women, to be honest, and some really worth the super-like. And there have been times when women have super liked me too. This generally never happens anywhere else but I think India has started noticing that my physical appearance is quite stunning after all the Crossfit (Thanks to all those people who inspired me. That list is a few pages long).

Anyways, I am chatting with girl 1 (who is into sales I gather from her profile, quite irrelevant). I ask her out but she doesn't have time and its also closer to my travel date back to Chennai. So we just decide to meet when I am in the city the next time around. In the end, I never met girl 1. We decided to meet somewhere and she cancelled. Maybe she got cold feet or she didn't like me. Who knows.

Second trip to Bangalore and I had 3 matches. Voila! Chennai seriously sucks in this department.

Ok girl 1 says hello, we chat for a bit and then decide to meet! Awesome. We go out for a nice dinner. Wow this is so cool. And I must say, she was really nice. I would definitely go out with her again if I was in Bangalore. But that didn't happen.

Girl 2 said hello. We decided to meet for coffee. The intended place was quite crowded so we ended up at the coffee place for kids - Cafe Coffee Day. We had common friends. So we were chatting a lot. So, this is the problem with Chennai or Bangalore. The network is so bloody small that if you are in a good job or studied in a reputed institution, there's a 100% chance that you and your Tinder match would have common friends. Not one, but like a herd. So girl 2 actually told me some horror stories about Tinder in India which was quite shocking to hear. Girl 2 is also a Bangalore lover. I didn't get a chance to meet her again.

For all the men - If you match with a girl, then learn to take baby steps. This is India god damnit. Do not - wait outside their workplace, send them messages on Facebook or ask them why they don't want to meet you again. If they don't like you, just get the fuck out of there. Don't make them uncomfortable.

Girl 3 matches. Quite late in the night. I ask her out because I was driving back to Chennai the day after. Then she gave me this huge lecture about how we should chat, exchange phone numbers, get to know each other and then meet. I was SO not ready for all that. I just wanted to meet and say hello. That's all. Not even in the mood to take it to the next date. And then I heard all these conditions (owing to previous experience meeting dickheads). So we never met.

So overall, Bangalore scores way better than Chennai for Tinder. There are many many dry days in Chennai (when you have no matches) but Bangalore has a fairly large migrant population and also open minded people who want to date or meet people this way.

Of course, there's more to talk about the people I met. Maybe another time. But for now, I think this will be a good start for 2018.

Pick Your Wife Wisely: Not just your career but your life depends on it

So I saw this Huffington Post article being shared on Facebook titled - Pick your husband wisely: Your career depends on it

This post is my response to the article.

If you do not choose your wife wisely, then you will not just lose your career but also your life. This is my experience and I stand by my statement 100%

Choose someone who would support your career first. Do not go out of your way and support her career advancement. All this bullshit about women empowerment and "being there for her" will tell you to go f**k yourself when she decides to walk out of that door. And bear in mind, she will. Because you let her. You supported her all her decisions to have a great career. Even if it means that you need to let go of your own career. Your sacrifice means nothing. Because when she goes out, she doesn't see that you are behind waiting to see her succeed. She is comparing you with other powerful and influential men surrounding her in the corporate world and against them, you are a f**king lose because you decided to stay at home.

"Even if women are highly educated, they aren't allowed by in-laws and husbands to do any job outside the home. Women are graduating to get a good groom not a good job." If a woman is able to work, she must still shoulder the bulk of household responsibilities."

The above statement applies to a lower middle class and even lower class population. These people are mostly not on Facebook, Twitter and they definitely don't read Huffington Post.

No woman is graduating to get a good groom these days. She is graduating so that at some point if she wants to be independent from a groom, then she can very well be. The in-laws and the husbands don't have much say in these decisions. They've got to comply.

"A real partner is not just supportive of your career, but is happy to take on his fair share of household responsibilities so that you both can thrive."

Men, if you take a fair share of household responsibilities, then please ensure your partner also has a fair share. You don't want to be in a situation where your partner comes home and works for 2 more hours and then says "Let's order food" or "I cannot clean the house because I worked a lot during the week and I need my sleep or I need to shop instead"

"Before committing to another person you should know if you want a career or if you are more interested in [fitting] meaningful work around your family life."

I think this applies more to men these days.

And if she asks you things like "Would you support my career? If I had to move for my job, would you be willing to relocate the family?" Do not do this at your expense. I've had a personal experience in these exact questions and the results are not favorable at all. Men, please be a little selfish, and look at your life.

And men, please observe your women before you commit to them. If she is the person who gets up quite late and throws her legs up on the couch and reads the newspaper or checks her emails while you make your own cup of coffee, maybe she is not the one that could share responsibilities around the house.

The question "Would you support my career after we have kids?" is absolutely irrelevant these days. In my opinion, the men should be asking "Will we have any kids?"

Celebrity Tattoos

With Transformers up for release in India quite soon, I was looking up stuff about Megan Fox and I came across this somehow.

I saw this movie "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People". Its about this British journalist who lands up in New York and finds it very tough to be an honest journalist. The one reason for which I wanted to see this movie was Kirsten Dunst. And then, I noticed that Megan Fox played a not-so-significant role in the movie.



In the meantime, I was also thinking about why people still keep telling everyone around them about recession. I dont really think there is any recession.

Atlantic City on the east coast had full casinos. All the roulette tables were full. people were playing on piles of cash. these people are all retired from work and they dont know the meaning of the word SAVE. and if you are one of those unfortunate US taxpayers who has to just pay tax and not get any benefit, yes, you really get pained seeing all this.

here in home country, TATA has unveiled the Jaguar and Land Rover - serious gas guzzlers. and costing a bomb. yeah, people will buy, because there is a lot of money available. the recession is just a rumor.

im doing a lot of random talking. enjoy the tattoo for a moment. Its from a Shakespeare story.

Calling...

Women and IT

Sometime back, a company ran this intolerable ad.



Between 2001 and 2007, 37000 women in the UK have abandoned IT Careers.

And Tim Berners Lee said this about sexism in IT "A culture that avoided alienating women would attract more female programmers, which could lead to greater harmony of systems design. If there were more women involved, we could move towards interoperability. We have to change at every level"

Is IT predominantly a "boy thing"?

Au Kate

Siren is the name of this statue. Sculpted my Marc Quinn, its none other than one of the top international supermodels in the world - Kate Moss. Pure 18 carat gold - weighing 50 kgs. Thats exactly what Kate weighs in real life. This is a yoga pose and its supposed to depict the modern day Aphrodite.

One thing I really wonder... Did she actually pose like this for Quinn? Then she is really Kate Flexi Moss.

This statue cost 1.5 million pounds to make and is expected to fetch atleast 10 million pounds when it goes for the auction in January 2009.

More and more research on the topic led me to some interesting websites.

One is called Body Casting (explore this website a bit and you'll get to see some of their wonderful projects) and then the modern day Picasso called - Pricasso.

Leave the Dow and Bourses aside for sometime and learn to appreciate ART.

Comments Stealing

I found this set of comments on another blog that I frequently visit. once you start reading you'll understand the context of this huge debate. after reading through all this, i really wonder if educated people think like this? tradition, culture, religion is all apart. leaving all that, for all practical purposes, you'll still feel that this guy is all crap.

--------------------
raj, on May 20th, 2008 at 11:06 am Said:
woman are impure when they have ****. i own a travel agency, and we never allow the woman employees to take care of the ticketing needs. see so many people are going for teerth yaatra, or for imp journeys. if a woman with **** does their ticket, it could be very unlucky for them. even my wife agrees. i have seen myself pickles going bad when impure woman has touched. women are not bad, but they need to be careful to not give others bad luck. some precautions must be taken. you are wrong.

raj, on May 21st, 2008 at 5:19 pm Said:
hi neha - raj again. first of all i want to say that all of you are blindly following the western practice. their women don’t know how to control themselves - and that is why babies are born without mothers being married. that is why they are smoking, drinking and having sex without respect for anyone. following purity rules allows women to exercise self discipline. and to develop a pure mind. god has given woman **** so that she knows that she cannot do everything a man can…….. otherwise women forgets that she has to take care of babies. see, these rules remind even unmarried womens what their duties are…. that they must always sacrifice.

i am not scared of you women.. you can come and run after me.. but let’s see if you can run when you are having ****. i am betting you cannot. if you are a good hindu follower then you follow these rules, otherwise you can become a west person or convert even. why make hinduism impure with ur actions??

my wife agrees with me. not because she thinks i am mad. but because she knows that i am correct. our shastras say that wives must always obey husbands. but you are an impure so called hindu who is not really hindu, so you will never these understand these things.

raj, on May 22nd, 2008 at 11:49 am Said:
why are all you people so arrogant? what makes you think you are smarter than years of vedic knowledge and our forefathers. having a **** is natural, but it is naturally impure. why are you all laughing at me? tomorrow, when an impure women effects your luck and things become really bad for you, then i will laugh at you all.

raj, on May 22nd, 2008 at 11:57 am Said:
ALSO - ankur, i think you are controlled by all womenin your life. that is why you say these things. a real man would stick to wisdom and not try to impress.

raj, on May 23rd, 2008 at 6:28 am Said:
how dare you all say i am only joking. this makes me very ANGRYYYY. your arrogance means you never listen to anyone, and think of people like me, as jokers? i am very much real. i am very much serious. WOMEN AND MEN ARE NOT EQUAL. men cannot have children. women have children and because of that, they must sacrifice a lot. it is a gift from god, and they have to show their appreciation for god by separating herself … like a sanyasi. THIS IS NOT FUNNY AT ALL. IT IS A serious issue. you are all fools.

--------------------
Ok the reason behind getting these absolutely stupid comments on to this page is because of the following links that I happened to read.

Link 1
Link 2
Link 3
Link 4

Poem: That moment

like a princess from neverland
in front of his eyes
she rested there
in deep thought

he looked at her
that pin drop silence
her eyelids opened
he imagined
lotus petals unfolding under the sun

their eyes met
no word spilled
still volumes were spoken
the magic had happened

clasping her body close
to himself
he felt her breath
warm and heavy

lifting her chin
she closed her eyes
his lips on hers
that first kiss
he stole her breath
a new journey of love began

He Says She Says

She: Honey, can you trim my toe nail. I seem to have some difficulty to bend.

He: Do you know the reason Honey! its only because of saturated fat.

She: ##$$ OFF

Poem: Your innermost desire

when i asked you,
you told me no
i refused to believe
coz' it was not you

i was sure
you didnt want that
your heart told yes
the lips told no

now tell me yes
tell me what i want
really really
tell me what you want

Marketing

I came across this picture during my random images search in Google. It was a big surprise for me!

Although when you look close, this looks like a very bad job done out of Adobe Photoshop, but still, its something totally different and revolutionary.

DOVE - a very famous brand name among Indian households used to run this campaign in the UK where they employed non-ramp-walk models to promote their skin products. So these women who were part of the posters used to be a little on the plump side, nevertheless pretty.

Coming back to this - I am trying to figure out what was in this Brazilian Beer Maker's mind.

I mean, in one way, you could say that the company is trying to tell the world that they have a beer brand that even pregnant women can enjoy. Considering the fact that pregnant women have to keep themselves away from alcohol, which is sometimes a big sacrifice for a lot of women in the west.

A non alcoholic beer for pregnant women? Not just women, but I guess in some way, men as well (some men don't drink for the sake of their partners). OR, are they trying to pack this as a family drink?

On the other hand, aren't they subconsciously sending a disturbing message to the public?

I can also see a somewhat distorted "S", signifying surrogate advertising.

But I am still a bit confused. Do you readers have any MBA related thoughts on this?

What is my safety?

New money and old mindsets clash amid claims dishonest wives are exploiting the freedom of men.

A few days back, I read about a Delhi software engineer and his parents getting arrested and being jailed for an offense that does not need any investigation. What are we talking about here? Its the INDIAN DOWRY LAW.

The real offense was a failed marriage but a complaint from his wife on dowry grounds has just turned the whole story Topsy-turvy.

And what do we have - a man who is accused of a crime he was never into. His name has been recorded in the police register. In effect, his future has been taken for a big ride.

Why are men being subject to such treatment? Why cant there be an investigation? Why cant they register a case against both parties concerned? When a family combines both man and woman, why is a dowry related case always against the man?

I just cant understand why the laws in this country seem to be one-sided. More than 80% of this country's tax-payers are men and the women get more benefits for paying tax? And then they talk about equality for women. They have seats reserved for women in the assembly, on buses and trains. So why can't they have seats reserved for men too? Till when will our society live like this?

Let me tell you something. Perhaps the situation was bad before - even with the middle class people. Our society had discriminated against women for centuries. Agreed. And now, it might still be bad with the people at the lowest levels but with the educated class, things are much much better. But, we see educated women misusing the law to their benefit because they know that there is a loophole in the legal system.

A lawyer argues - "Just look at conviction rates for rape in England which are also low but nobody says rape does not happen". Very True. I have no doubt about that. But our law also says that you can let 100 criminals escape but not let one innocent person behind bars. So why does this law work this way?

The police commissioner claims that only 2 percent of dowry cases are this way. So what? Are you trying to fix those?

I know that - our country is still male dominated. Ours is a place where a crime against a woman happens every 33 minutes and there is one "dowry death" every 104 minutes. Less than half of the women can read or write. And more than 10 million female fetuses have been aborted in the last 20 years.

Today, I wonder. This is one portion of an educated society that I am totally unaware of. Maybe there is more to come.

Poem: Dazed

they got off the subway
she walked across the busy road
did not say a word
expressions were bold

"everything is wrong;
i am wrong"
she said
this is it and
nothing more

he stood there
watching her
he wasn't sure
where to start

the 'another i' showed up
told him to break free
he was lost
behind those hazel eyes
he thought - was she messing with my mind

Interesting Read

according to scientists, females are predominantly attracted to 'weedier' types, who look 'kind and trustworthy'.

Jerry Hall says - to keep a man happy, a woman must be a cook in the kitchen, a lady in the drawing room and a slut in the bedroom.

For a woman to be truly happy with a man, he would need to be a hunk in the bedroom,a cook in the kitchen, a vision of machismo in public, a wimp in arguments(but not too much of one, as he must gauge the right times for listening sympathetically and conceding absolute defeat, as opposed to the times when the only correct thing to do is tumble you crossly into bed), and easily capable of fixing everything from broken dishwashers to awkward work dilemmas, without being in any way controlling in matters which you can handle perfectly well without his great clodding interference.

while females worldwide struggle to be Superwoman, what they want for themselves is Superman. Clark Kent for the wimpy days of the month; a rippling superhero on demand.

the more obvious point is that men and women are, and have always been, deeply ill-suited to a lifetime's monogamy. The idea of trying to spend decades with one other person is both loony and doomed. It can't work; we should all stay alone. But that point is a bit depressing, so let's be glad that these 'scientists' are invariably talking nonsense and best ignored.

Chak De India

As promised, I begin my review of Chak De India. Saw this movie yesterday with a packed audience in the Sathyam Complex in Chennai, in their largest screen.

What a wonderful feeling it was. A different essence of patriotism, for the country and for the game. I had read a good number of reviews of Chak De. So, I did have a lot of expectation about the movie. Nothing was contrary to my belief. In fact, the movie did take me by surprise at a lot of instances and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. The fact that every game is important and its the interest of the players that matters is evident. This movie went on to show everyone that there is much more than CRICKET for India.

Shah Rukh Khan (SRK) is not really the hero of this movie. He is rather the leader who is also a facilitator. The main characters to watch for are the girls who come from different parts of the country for a common cause (well they dont initially, but they change themselves over the course of the movie) - the spirit of sportsmanship and the fact that they represent the country.

This film is a classic example of managing difficult teams and people. There are several instances where SRK provides motivation and drives the girls to victory. As the story progresses, we can see a leader emerging from each player on the field. Togetherness makes a great difference.

SRK is not the coach who shows the girls the easy way out. He is harsh and a true task master. He treats every girl on the field like a man. No sacrifices just because you are a woman. If required you have to fight it the hard way. And the girls who form the cast are just like that. We see that they don't get upset or weak because of all this. They are rash, come across like warriors, but they do understand each other's feelings and respect that too. They live for each other and are compassionate.

Then there are the men on the board who drink tea and eat biscuits to keep criticizing the women. I guess this is what really happens at the top. These people just look for the money and not the talent. And this could be true even with BCCI or the Indian Olympics Committee. What purpose does it serve in having someone who is politically strong as a president or a senior member of such organizations. What is the value add he or she is going to bring?

We still haven't learned those lessons. The London Olympic Committee chairman is Lord Seb Coe who was an Olympic Champion in his time. But we have a bunch of good-for-nothing fellows sitting there.

Coming back to the movie. The government officials are stunned by the women's game and they are forced to sponsor them. And what more, the underdogs win. The second half is just hockey matches between different countries and its really fast, but exciting. There is one part where NAIK calls home and says "Marke aayenge par haarke nahi aayenge" or something like that, which translates as "We'll return dead, but we'll not return as losers". My eyes were full when I heard that. Those few words had so much power and emotion packed inside that it created an uncontrolled burst of happiness within me and I was happy that I was able to share the same enthusiasm that the players displayed on the screen. It was total involvement.

And this movie was inspired by the Women's Hockey Team that won the Gold in 2002. Another interesting read on the same lines is the HINDU Article. Thanks to Neha Viswanathan for these links.

Overheard...

I heard this when I was sitting in the office bus on my way back from work.

(Conversation translated from Tamil)

Woman speaking to someone on the Phone: I just got on to bus. I should reach by 9pm. Dont worry, I will not miss "Kolangal".

"Kolangal" - a tamil word in plural for Kolam, which is a design that is made out of color powder. You could call it Rangoli.

Anyway, Kolangal here refers to a mega-serial/soap that has been running for more years now. Mega-serials/soaps in Tamil Nadu are known for their baseless and dragging storylines, filled with crying daughters, agony aunts and nagging men.

What I was surprised about is the amount of interest that this woman showed in terms of being on time to see some goddamm soap which is so irritating and a total waste of time. We complain of our mom's and grandmom's watching these programmes day in and day out and here we have young women in chennai who are interested in these things. You'd say that this is a one off, I wouldnt quite agree. Chennai women are still like that.