Haram

How would it be if certain moments from your life were captured and shown to you in a movie? In a way, I feel a lot more connected with the screenplay and the characters. Alternatively, this also makes me think - are these moments so mainstream that people want to make films about?

In two words, Haram is a Malayalam movie about Irreconcilable Differences. Isha is slightly devastated, or maybe that's a strong word, let's say disturbed. From a previous relationship that didn't go well. She works with a BPO in Bangalore. There is Balu as well, in the same office - not the hot guy who every girl in the office wants to go home with, but a slightly traditional, chilled out, peace-loving, and no-frills guy. Isha comes across as a fun-loving and bubbly personality on the outside; but eventually a mysterious character who has many deep layers that cannot be dissected.

The story revolves around Isha and Balu and other characters that happen to be around them or connected to them in some way. They meet, Isha finds in Balu a good friend, date a bit and get married. They move from Bangalore to Kerala and then soon after, Isha decides to file for divorce. Balu is puzzled as her reasons are - irreconcilable differences.

Balu doesn't want to quit and he wants to reason, even live, but there seems to be no hope and no specific answer. Balu is me. Perhaps, Balu is just like many other men out there? I don't have too many questions in my life. I face life as it comes to me. I don't go out of my way to seek any answers. I like the way I am - simple, grounded, happy and sometimes lucky! And Isha is a person who at times does not know what she wants. She is opportunistic when she finds comfort in Balu. She is friendly and warm but she is also weird. I am not too bothered to make deeper reflections.

A number of deep thoughts keep running through the reels of this movie.

• Promises are like babies, easy to make but very painful to deliver
• If you are happy where you are, why would you try and bring another person into your life and complicate your life

Haram definitely didn't do well at the box office. The film doesn't come with an entertainment formula. It is a figment of my life. It is a celebration of life. Of a life that is real and not reel. Of a life that says to me - if you sense emotional baggage, then run away from it!

 

Poem: Her favorite steel tumbler

she woke up
morning birds her alarm
this sunday
was no different

nowadays she was
used to the rhythm

prepare
deck up
new batch arrives
stand straight
genuflect
sit gentle
sing devotional
serve coffee and snacks
listen to elders jabbering
ancestral connections

nothing made sense
hot and bothered
acted with obedience
she held her emotions tight
never spoke an extra word
in her own territory

the hand had moved
a few degrees south
in some time she thought
life will be normal

with anger and hatred
she looked
at the kitchen sink
tumbler and plates
put to wash

for,
the seventeenth time
a stranger's lips had
left
another dirty mark on her
favorite steel tumbler

Announcement

- More than 5000 profile hits in the Tamil matrimony website and a hole in my pocket because of the registration charges.

- Advertisements in the official Palghat Iyers matrimony publication for consecutive months.

- A ream of JK White copier paper wasted in printing out horoscopes of prospects and letters to parents across the country.

- Visits to the family astrologer's house every now and then to see which ones match. Discussions to find why it matches on the girl's side and not on ours.

- Seeking opinions from a third party astrologer - just to cross check. What if our own astrologer skipped a chapter while learning the theory behind the whole matching technique.

- Travel Expenses to meet the person for the first time, then meet again. And then repeating this again for more sample sets.

- Visits to new new temples every month. Applications to a new god every now and then. 40 rounds at one place. 17 at the other. Special ritual at the third. New prayer to be told 137 times every morning for 39 days.

- Trying to make implausible explanations to my parents and relatives about my expectations and being totally unsuccessful at it.

- Being in a completely fuddled state of mind about what i want in my life.

- Listening to questions ("when are you going to get married", "what is wrong with her" - i think i have heard these a zillion times) and opinions from anybody under the sun.

- Troubling parents beyond the point of resistance and control; leading to emotional drama and blackmail.

- Fights with folks at home about maintaining a good profile picture on the matrimony website.

- Answering weird questions from parents who call regarding an alliance

- Participating with friends in discussion forums about male-female ratios in the Palghat community.

Oh what a year it was!



Brothers, Sisters, Friends and everyone else,

I am done with all this now. I am off the singles list, preparing to start a memorable journey.

The dates have not been finalized. The wedding is planned around Q1 next year. Anyway, I'll let you know.

FILs love for teetotalers

So, one of the parents (perhaps a future father in law), who called my home, told - We went through your son's profile on Orkut and it says Drinking : Occasionally.

My dad who was never internet savvy, a little surprised and with a quizzical expression - obviously, it took him some time to understand that orkut profile was something like a matrimony site profile. He told - Its his profile. So I really don't know

Then the guy on the other side goes You told us that your son was a very disciplined person and we saw this on his profile. What does occasionally mean? Is it every week, month or year. You see, we can't make those assumptions

My dad was like - Okay, I don't interfere in all of this. Finally what do you have to say?

From the other side - We discussed this with our family members and we have decided that we will not take this forward

The conversation ended somewhere there.

Whatever it was. What's this big love that some dad's and their daughter's have, for teetotalers?

And what is the goddamn connection between drinking and being disciplined? Then, what do we call people in the armed forces as? Indisciplined fighters for the nation just because a good majority of them have a few drinks when they get together?

I was like, to whoever that ignorant parent was - Dude, do you know the meaning of being disciplined?

And then you tell me that you discussed this with your entire family!!! Me having one or two pegs every 2-3 months or so, is a subject of discussion for your entire family?

Gracious God, what is this you are getting me into?

Uff, there are a lot of supposedly educated parents in this world who think that if someone drinks, then he will beat up their daughter in the middle of the night or maybe make her life miserable. Thanks to the mega serials, the rickshaw-wallah and the bricklayer.

Santosh and Me

Being in the market, you get to witness many interesting events. I finally decided to blog about one.

So, the astrologer tells the girls dad(we got to hear about it later) - this horoscope is an excellent match. everyone in the family is well known to me. you can blindly give your daughter's hand to their son.

wait - i thought, love was blind. nowadays even astrologer-confirmed-arranged-marriages have become blind!!! anyway, sometimes i feel that love is not just blind, but its deaf and dumb too.

Few phone calls happened between the concerned parties - talks about family, ancestors, cities they have lived in and people they know etc etc. This is the background check. Then an email id was given.

Not being able to handle the daily rants, I finally decided to take the next step. So you know, the usual process begins. Introduction. And this is also like your "Expression of Interest" letter when you apply for your mba job application. Even though your skill sets are not going to change, you have to customize certain aspects so that it doesn't look like a cut and paste job. That was done.

No reply for about a week. Usually if I don't get any communication within a day or two, I give up. In this case, I was like - No way, even if I get a reply anytime later. I was thinking - after hours of random conversations on the phone between the families and trying to connect too many grey haired men and women that they could possibly know, what could be wrong? Or is it really taking this person a week to respond? Sometimes people write in installments you see.

Anyway, I gave my judgment on this case and closed the file from my side. Defense's (mom) objections were overruled.

Two days back, we got a call from the dad on the other side. It seems that he had told his daughter not to email until he told her to or something in those lines.

Instantly, the movie Santosh Subramaniam came to my mind. Its an arranged marriage situation and the girl says - "Appa sonnaarunga, neenga romba nallavaru, ongala kalyanam pannikitta en life romba santhoshama irukkumnu"(my dad told me that you are nice guy and if i get married to you, my life will be good)

I replayed that for my situation.

"Appa sonnaarunga, naan sollara varaikkum email pannaathae" (my dad told me that he will come and tell me whether to email or not)

"Appa sonnaarunga, neenga romba nalla payyan nu."(my dad told me that you are a very good person)

It was absolutely HILARIOUS. I was happy that I had already decided against this. Coming to think of it, its actually scary. If parents make the decision for the girl (its not just this one, but i have come across a few more) - oh my god!

Cornered

So I was at a family wedding. Something funny had to happen. And so it began.

Relatives will be called R1, R2 etc. Otherwise its too difficult. My mom's extended family was almost 100+ strong during the wedding. Rather complicated.

The scene is the evening Engagement and Sangeeth. And everyone is ready to pose in front of my new companion - the D80.

Amidst all that noise...



R1: Hey, did you see that girl? (Immediately cautioning me) Now don't turn around and look behind. She is wearing a white salwar and sitting on the second row from the dais. It seems her dad is totally ready to... (i am pretending that i did not hear this part).. so what do you say?

Me: (Not very convinced with the argument and also not knowing what to say). Is it?

I turned around and looked at the girl.

Me: Oh, this one eh. This topic (girl i meant) came up some time back also and I didn't want to pursue it.

R1: Why?

Me:(In my mind - its so easy to ask questions. You know how difficult it is to give an explanation for a NO) I really don't know but I don't think I want to get married to her.

R1: I think she is really pretty and she will be the best person for our family. She looks just right. What more do you need? I don't think you'll get a better person that her.

(Judgment was made now. I was losing it. But I told myself - this is just another stage. I just need to comfortably get myself out of this nonsense)

Me: No, if this is getting to where I am guessing it will, I will not be here for the wedding tomorrow. I will not come back tomorrow morning.

R1 goes to a group where R2 to Rn are sitting. The topic has been introduced to everyone now. So all eyes are in one direction. I am trying to keep myself away from talking to any other person.

R2: Why, what's wrong?

Me: I don't feel like it.

R2: Then what kind of a girl would you marry?

Me: (Not wanting to sing "Oru Ooril Azhage" from the movie "Kaakha Kaakha") Well, when I get married to that someone, I'll let you know and you can find out.

R3:(who was standing behind R2 and watching in silence) Oh, so you want the bells to ring as an indication? (referring to the Tamil movie "Mozhi" )

Me:(totally embarrassed) Maybe, I really need the bell to ring.

R1 calls R4 who has been running around and meeting everyone at the hall.

R1(explains everything to R4): So what do you say?

R4: She is ok. Can't say anything wrong about her.

Me: Well, I don't want people who you find to be just "ok" nor people with whom you can find any fault, so you judge them as just the right person.

R5: What's happening here?

Then R5 gets a dump of whatever happened till now. R5 takes a quick look and then..

R5: Hmm... she is ok but I wouldn't recommend.

Me: (feeling happy that I was not getting cornered) Now that's what I call a real savior.

Photo Conversations

One of those weekends at home. I want to be totally lazy, watch TV, eat, sleep a little and then waste time when....

Mom: Look at this photo on your profile. It is not at all good. Who will like this?

Me(somewhere at the background): someone will - definitely!

Mom (with that angry and disgusted-about-my-answer look on her face): Definitely not. I myself will not recommend to anyone after looking at this photo. How many times have I told you? Go to the studio and take a nice photo. Dress up well. Put some powder. You know! - the photographer will take a very nice photo.

Me: But mom, the photographer can capture only what's already there. He can't make me look like a supermodel.

Mom: If not a supermodel, then at least he will get you close to look like a first round reject of a supermodel hunt contest.
And did you ever see these photos before uploading them? In all photos, you have a stubble and wild unkempt hair. And why cant you wear good clothes. With a round neck t-shirt and a camera bag hanging by your side, you are looking like one of those tired tourists with huge bags on their back.

Me: They are called backpackers.

Mom (more disgusted): Is that very important for us right now? And what is that black pattern near your kurta in the other photo? I have never seen that?

Me (not really bothered about): Oh, that is ******'s sari pallu. We took the photo standing next to each other. I had to cut the photo and I couldn't get that bit out.

Mom (totally mad): I haven't seen a single photo with just you in it.

Me(grinning): I am popular mom. Everyone needs a photo with Mama.

Mom (totally given up on me now): Yeah keep telling this. If you don't listen to me, you will never get married. Another 5 years will pass. Then your friends' children will also start calling you mama.