The best friend

In the 70s my dad worked for a British company (name not important). He was friends with another person who worked there. They had the same first name - Krishnan. Much later, I come to realise that this friend of my dad is also his best friend.

My dad used to go to Sabarimala every year. It ran in the family. Even now he tries to make a trip, time and health permitting. My grandfather led a group of almost 100 people to the hills in Kerala every year. From the time that I became aware of these trips, my dad and his best friend used to embark on a 2 week journey with a group of like-minded individuals. This was an every year ritual. I still remember going to those pre-journey rituals. It used to be a day long affair with Vedic chants and song recitals. Mr.Krishnan used to be the spiritual leader of the group. He always worked hard towards making sure that every trip was managed well.

Over the years of knowing each other and making so many journeys, they have become best friends. Our families also become very close. Of course, during that time, my interaction was quite limited.

As I grew up, I started understanding how amazing friends they were. My dad used to share everything with Mr.Krishnan - about family, sisters, brothers, personal problems, things about business etc. Pretty much everything under the sun I could say. He would be the go-to person for my dad - friend, philosopher, guide. Every time Mr.Krishnan called our house, he would enquire about me and my sister. They have been friends for more than 40 years I think. Mr.Krishnan is extremely spiritual and has a special aura surrounding him. Its perhaps his countless trips to Sabarimala that makes him glow like that. He has the blessings of god, an ever smiling person. He has been present for every family function of ours - big or small, doesn't matter. He is present. And all of my dad's brothers and sisters know him very well.

Mr.Krishnan is no more. It happened all of a sudden - no warnings whatsoever. I accidentally called my parents mid-week and my mom shivered on the phone while sharing the sad news. My dad was not around at home. I did not know what to say. Obviously, my dad was terribly shaken. His only friend with whom he spoke almost every week is not around any more. In that place, there is literally nothing now. I just cannot believe it. Its been a couple of days but I cannot come to terms with this. I don't know when I will.

That's when I realised that I don't have a best friend. I am almost 35 - yes literally half way or past half way. Only downhill from here and there is not a single person who knows everything about me or who wants to know everything about me. At one point, I thought I had a best friend but she sort of got married and things started drifting. No one is to blame but a large part of this problem is also me being such a closed book. I tend to bottle up things. And now, my life is just filled with a bunch of electronically active people who like and comment on what I choose to tell them. 

Mr.Krishnan's voice always echoes in my mind. His religious songs were my favourite. Even though he had so many problems in his life, he was always smiling. 

Today when I put myself in my dad's shoes, I understand how much my life sucks. I now know what it feels like when that one person to talk to is not around, what it means when you don't have someone in your life whose house you can walk into any time and just spend a few hours reflecting. I never ever had someone in my life who was like that to me. I guess, I never will. I am still chasing and perhaps living the wrong dream. 

Gone Girl - The Movie

It was late 2012, I still remember seeing a book in the hands of a lady on the tram. That was the first time and then I saw it again with another lady. It made me curious but I am not that much into books. The author Gillian Flynn didn't strike a chord either. But I was quite fascinated that there were so many people who were reading the same story. I bought the book in 2013. Didn't even unwrap it. I completely forgot about it.

A few weeks back, I saw the trailer of a movie titled Gone Girl. That single line - "I did not kill my wife" struck me so hard that I got a sudden urge to pick up the book and know what happened. I knew that I was definitely going to see this movie but I was curious and fascinated by just the trailer that I wanted to know every f**king detail. What the hell was this all about? I finally read the book and I was thrilled beyond expectations. Blown-away you could say too.

If courtship is a movie, marriage is a job that can become a grinding routine, an Ever After without the Happily - courtesy Time Magazine

David Fincher's Gone Girl is simply a masterpiece. Its electrifying, powerful and sends you laughing certainly at the right moments. The movie shows what a usual America is - doubting the husband to have killed his wife, some pretty dumb neighbours who could believe what you'd say, sympathising with the husband when he comes out as a cheater. Its all in there within a capsule of 150 minutes.

From the beginning of the movie, when we hear Nick's monologue about his desire to unspool his wife's brains from her pretty head, we realise that this movie is going to be kick-ass. This missing wife drama is full of mystery and its really nasty. I must give credit to the author Flynn who has also been instrumental in the screenplay. When you read the book, it doesn't hit you that hard. The diary entries, the fights and the blood stains - when you see all that on the screen, it is quite shocking.

Gone Girl's biggest plus point is the casting. Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike as Nick and Amy are so perfect for each other. Pike's mysterious smiles and mannerisms are so Amy on every frame - the ice-blooded psychopath who shouldn't seem like that until you know that she is that! And Affleck being the glib and sort of unhappy husband is right on the dot.

The movie is structurally quite sound and follows the book Scenes shift from Nick to Amy as they do in the book. I do agree that the devil is in the detail but they had to cut it down to keep the audience glued to the seat. Which worked. The montage of how Amy does stuff has been shot incredibly well. The one last scene with Neil Patrick Harris (he wasn't a great choice for the part), is somewhat traumatizing and that's why this movie is rated Extreme Violence.

Amazing Amy

She is mysterious in her own weird ways, very complex and extremely manipulative. She is the Cool Girl and then a harpy wife. She ultimately becomes the Psycho B****. But this is not what she is. She is actually full of contradictions and weaknesses. She does not like to accept that. She makes sure that she is always right and constructs the situation to her advantage.

Every marriage has its own story, most often the husband and the wife expect each other to keep up the lie of who they've pretended to be. It’s when their “true” selves begin to bleed through that their marriage starts falling apart. “I suppose these questions storm-cloud over every marriage,” says Nick. “What are you thinking? How are you feeling? Who are you? What have we done to each other? What will we do?”

Amy gives him riddles about their life together, which he’s hardly ever able to figure out, and the hunts always end in a fight. Amy sees it as a testament to how much he loves her — she hopes it will show that he has paid attention to her thoughts and feelings and remembers (what she thinks of as) important moments from their time together. He sees it as a test he will inevitably fail. 

Its five years and Nick has failed her. She wants to get back at him. Amy is somewhat like a psychopath, an emotional freak when Nick is just a skillful manipulator. What follows from thereon is a psychological warfare and a power battle. Gone Girl is a fantastic book about the extremes of masculinity and femininity.

What intrigued me even more is the how I could relate  myself to what Nick felt at many instances in the book. Of course, there is/was no Andie in my life. So I am not stuffed with any sort of guilt. But in general, what Nick thought of his life echoed so much with what I was going through.

Yes the Amy in my life is gone too. She's been gone for so long that now life is just business as usual. In the book, she comes back because she senses a threat to her freedom. She chooses to be smart and live with Nick against seeking revenge for his actions. But I don't see that happening with me.

Are you still drinking low-fat milk?

And if you are, then I must say that you are making a big mistake.

Full cream milk contains a number of fats that promote human health. These include artery friendly omega-3's and conjugated linoleic acid (read cancer prevention), improving bone strength and encouraging fat metabolism. Low-fat diary does not have any of this scientific sh** that helps you. Also, the trans-fat that is present in milk actually reduces your risk of diabetes.

An Australian study (I don't know but I read about this in a magazine) has determined that full-fat diary actually lowers the risk of heart disease as well. Its the other processed stuff that we eat which causes problems - not milk!!!

Vitamins A and D which are present in milk are fat-soluble - which means that you need fat in order for those to absorbed into your body. You take the fat from the milk, how do you think the vitamins will get absorbed? What's more, the vitamin K found naturally in butterfat gets left behind altogether.

Skim and low-fat milk contain powdered milk, which is made with oxidised cholesterol, a carcinogen. Oxidised cholesterol can contribute to the build-up of plaque in your arteries. On the other hand, untreated cholesterol in whole milk is an antioxidant. Skim can leave you feeling unsatisfied, which leads many people to fill up on less-healthy "non-fat" foods.

Full fat or full cream milk is not going to stop your weight loss or get-fit process. Its only going to help. What is going to hinder is that extra sugar, chocolate, processed food, fried food, coke etc. Get that out of your way and don't bother about milk again in your life.

The real deal

This post is not about what you can do to gain or lose weight. Its just a brief summary of what happened in my life over the last 3 years or so. There is some history which you can read or not. Now let's move on to the time where I started doing a lot of experiments with health and fitness.

1. The company of like-minded people

The most important aspect of any active lifestyle is surrounding yourself with people who think on similar lines. As Frisbee started becoming popular and competitive, I had to build skill and strength. That led to many conversations among friends about what next. One of those was about whey protein and how its important for muscle development. 

2. The first supplement

Whey protein when consumed in excess or not used by the body properly can end up as kidney stone. Its also important to buy the right whey protein. Many brands have additives, sugar and carbs. They are all just bad. So I started with whey protein only on gym days or after a good/tiring session of Frisbee. The quantity was still lesser than what my body needed. So, in effect, I was burning a few extra calories without realising that. This cycle of 1 or 2 days in the gym and a weekend of Frisbee continued for a few years until I hit that wall for the first time in 2011.

3. P90x

We were going to play a Frisbee tournament in Italy. The World 

Championships. Every single day would be a test of our survival skills on the beach and not just game skills. Again, it was one of my friends who suggested P90X. A 90 day program with something to do everyday. Rest days had yoga and stretching as well. My goal was to lose weight. To be honest, the 90 day program was really hard. I was doing it all by myself. Just me inside my room and the video instructions. I did not let isolation play into my mind. What made me go through that was the sheer rush of adrenalin and high energy levels after the workout. I was not getting tired. Every week, I was only getting more active. I noticed that I was able to shave off a few seconds from every workout every week. During this time, I was strictly off direct sugar and fried stuff. It also helped me that my parents were in the US for sometime during those 90 days. At the end of 90 days, I had lost almost 6 kilos. My fitness was at the highest level since 1980. After that first P90X session in 2011, I ended up doing a few more 90 day sessions.

4. Going gluten-free

After I moved to Australia in 2012, I decided that I should try something different. For atleast three months, I followed a gluten-free diet. No bread, no pizza, no pasta.. anything and everything containing gluten was out of the house. I don't have health problems with gluten but those 3 months were amazing. My body felt a lot lighter and general well-being was at a high. Very soon it was time to get over the gluten-free phase.

5. Adding weight

After the gluten free phase, I decided that I should gain some muscle weight. So I tried Kris Gethin's DTP. It was an amazing program. I was super excited to do it everyday in the gym. The other personal trainers who were at the gym used to wonder what I was doing because they thought it didn't make sense to what they were taught in the classroom. But I did not care. I took the 4 week challenge. I did add muscle but not a lot though.

5. The worst one week

Then in end-March 2013, the worst thing happened. I started taking krill oil supplements for the usual EPA/DHA stuff. What I didn't realise that I could be allergic to shellfish. My body started reacting with rashes. Even the doctors could not find out what was happening. The shellfish reason was only understood through an elimination process that I did at home. Many visits to the hospital and extreme stress made me lose 6 kilos in about one week. It was the worst way to lose weight. From that situation, it took me atleast three months to just get my life and weight back to normal. Around August 2013, I started going back to the gym again but by late Sep, I was tired of just doing stuff at the gym by myself.

6. Moving on to Crossfit

Crossfit was always on the back of my mind ever since I moved to Oz. On first look, it was quite expensive compared to my gym membership. It took more than 1.5 yrs to convince myself that I could spend money on Crossfit. I took a 10 class pass. On the first day, I was the last in class. For the next 9 classes, I was the last in class. But the experience was just first class. For the first time, I was not doing any isolated movements and more than that, I was having a lot of fun. Intense Crossfit over a period of few months without any change in current diet made me lose weight again. In early 2014, when I visited the US, I was back to 61.5kgs - the lowest I had been.

7. The last 3 months

During the last three months, I tried a paleo diet as well. Didn't get through that for more than a few weeks because I don't eat any meat. Vegetarian paleo is just being mean to yourself. With good food, supplements and a lot of Crossfit, I managed to gain about 8 kilos. A lot of it is actually muscle. My waistline has not changed from when it dropped to 29. Upper body is phenomenally strong compared to the same time last year.

So what are the things that went right for me?

a. I told myself that I will remain active and stuck to that regimen all the time. Frisbee, Crossfit, Cycling etc. I kept doing something or the other. I even cycle to office here. Some days I am really bored and didn't do anything but in the last three months, I have been to 5 Crossfit sessions every week. Add to that some yoga, stretching and mobility as well.

b. I made it a point to reduce the carb intake as much as possible. I am not a farmer who works on the field or a factory worker who does a lot of manual labour. I am a knowledge worker sitting at a desk all day. I don't need a lot of rice and wheat for that. I supplemented my diet with whey but only on workout days.

c. Its okay to cheat. Once in a while, I do eat a muffin or a brownie. Everyone has cravings. It doesn't matter as long as you have an exercise routine that helps you get over that guilty feeling.

d. I keep it very simple - work hard. Just like how you had to work hard to get that admission into a top college, you will need to put in a lot of effort to get that weight loss or gain.
e. Set sight on something in fitness. At work, you want to get promoted every 2 years or you want a higher salary every year. You improve your performance based on what you want. I did that with Crossfit. When I started, I could hardly get a few strict pull-ups. Now I am super comfortable with pull-ups. My next goal is handstand push-ups.

Lose that body fat - The history

Well, we know that's not going to happen for sure. I am no doctor or nutritionist or dietician. This story is about me, about what I did for almost a decade - a period where I went through the highs and lows of body weight and in that process, figured out myself a little better. 

1. Fear is always good

Rewinding back to 2004 - London. Fortunately, I was not that fat. I was hovering around the 70s. Waist line was 33 or so. Exercise was not on my mind. The only sport I had played was volleyball and I was not good. My family had a history of people suffering from high cholesterol, sugar and the usual stuff that ends up giving someone a heart attack. I told myself one thing - I may not be able to eliminate all that from coming to me but I can definitely delay it. The simple fear got me going.

2. Take a small step
I decided to give a shot at spinning classes. One of my colleagues was killing it at 32yrs whereas I was gasping for breath. I told myself to just be regular at it. I signed up for a Nike 10K run for the first time. I looked up some training schedules for running. My instructor told me that I should try and finish under an hour. I trained for about 2 months and I ended up at 57. I was pumped. The result was visible. Over the next 2 years until I joined ISB, I managed a few more 10Ks. From spinning, I graduated to Spinning & Abs, Extreme Spinning, Body-Pump. Essentially, I didn't stop myself from getting bored from the same routine. The other incentive was I get to see some hot British women in active wear. All this time, I was not too bothered about what I was eating. Didn't even have whey protein. I would only strive to get to the level where my t-shirt is cold and dripping with sweat.

3. Get passionate

April 2006 and afterwards. I was introduced to Ultimate Frisbee. I was kicked about the fact that I could learn a totally new sport. In school, all my friends played basketball and football. I was not very tall to play basketball and not that great at football either to make the cut. In college, everyone played cricket and I hated that game. So, Frisbee was like a boon. Obviously running was an important part so I spent a good time during the week running on the treadmill. Still no fancy supplements.

4. Rolling stone gathers no moss

So, in effect, I was just doing some activity all the time but only since 2004 April. First it was gym classes and a bit of running. And then it was just Frisbee. If you are reading this and you are thinking about losing weight, the first thing you need to do is get a bit more of an active lifestyle. That doesn't mean that you should immediately hit the gym and go all out or run a marathon. 

Take a step by step approach. You will find thousands of websites and forums giving you plans. Not all will work for you but some will. I guarantee that. It may take you some time to find that right one but over a few experiments you will get there. Don't experiment with food yet. Get out of the bed or the house first. One thing at a time.